Dear "Junior"

Dear J.R.

This is so hard for me to say, to write. You will never read this, nor will I ever tell you (because I will just stop talking you because a) I'm a pussy, and b) you won't understand. Having these talks with you leave you and I both tired.

I love you, but it's over. I can't tell you how much you hurt me.

It's not all your fault, sweetie. I come from a long life of pain. You simply were the straw that broke the camels back.

You know that "permanent smile" you said I always have on my face? Somewhere in my youth, I learned that laughing remedy's misery, smiles treat grief, and trying to love the life you've been given completely heals, and cures torment of any kind.

I love you, but I simply cannot allow you to treat me less than what I'm worth any longer.. Have you ever seen someone with a BMW and it was filthy? That's how I feel. I feel like a dirty 760I.

I love you, but I cannot hurt any longer. It's so bad that I don't laugh as much as I used to. I can't tell a decent joke anymore. My witty comeback's, have been, well, less than witty--when I even make them. I'm loosing who I am as a person, as a result of loving you.

This is certainly not your fault, you never insisted that I fall in love with you, I made the decision to do so. And just like I chose to love you, I'm making the decision to end our relationship ('case I just can't shake the loving you thing just yet. Give me some time, daddy. You'll be outta sight and outta mind in no time).

I love you. But I just found out that I love myself even more. I don't want to hear that selfish shit, either. You love yourself ( and Forty's, and your homeboys, and drugs, etc) more than you love me. The saying goes " A fair exchange ain't no robbery" (ghetto proverbs are the best, yo, I tell ya).

So, while I love you like a transvestite hooker loves Vaseline,I gotta take care of me, and part of taking care of me means, getting rid of you. That sounds awful. I'm not trying to be mean-- wait. You called me a bitch once.

Yea nigga, I'm thu.

One.