More Questions

I LOVE this picture. I remember being a child, and literally staring at this album for hours. Good album too. All the way around is the business.

What's up with....

Niggas not answering blacked numbers on their cell phones?
I mean are you really that afraid of a damned phone call? If someone calls that you don't want to talk to, hang the fuck up.

Niggas not having a job?
I ain't even gotta explain this one.

Niggas wearin white tees and sweats like it's a dam outfit?
Although you already know Negra's feelings about how sexy an ensemble this is for young Black men.

Niggas period?

Women wanting to be some nigga's "baby mama"?

Folks who are willing to have a child together, but specifically not wanting to get married?
Aren't children more of a commitment than marriage. I'd rather be married than have a child. Well, actually, no, I wouldn't. But I'm just a hoe like that.

Sizzler's food?
Why is that the nastiest shit in the world? It tastes like hot iguana piss. And that's everything on the menu.

MySpace?
No, I don't have to put you in my "Top Eight". And everything I say on there is not accurate. The majority of the stuff i put on there, is meant to be funny. When I say my occupation is "Aspiring Baby Mama", that does not mean I'm looking to fill out job applications.

Black Planet?
That.Shit.Is.Hillarious.

Yo dis ya boi Tra-vi-viaughn staight ouuta Copmton, that CPT, knowwhatimsayin, and im lookin fo a lady who be a lady at all time. I 'm on my grown an, and I ain't got no time fo no hoe's game playin and shit. I need a lady who iz a lady, but can take that shit like a muthafuckin' man. No Homo, son.

Freaking hilarious. If Black Planet don't get your fire burning, your wood's wet.

The whole "no Homo" thing?
Nigga, saying no homo does not cancel out the very homo things spewing out off your very homo mouth. If you feel the need to say no homo after any statement, guess what? Your ass is a homosexual.

Summer's Eve feminine wash?
Just wash your tang with soap, and if your not nasty, the shit will work out just fine. Ain't no body's vagina that damn sensitive. Yeah, I have some, but only because they were two for a dollar, at the Dollar Tree.

Me just writing random thoughts?

Ranting and Raving

Only read this post if you have the time. PLEASE.

BLACK MEN

Please click this link and watch this ENTIRE video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJbDvAMORr8
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What the hell happened to our men?

My ex's (don't ack like y'all 'ont know who I'm talkin' bout, JR's trifflin/sexy ass) MAMA was in this video. This shit is hot out here in L.A.

Now, not everybody out here is a gangster obviously, but there are a LOT of them out here. And even more who WANNA be gangsters. What the hell? And if you're not a gangster, or you don't want to be one, you wanna be one of these.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7iZvvcNBTE

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When did Black people stop reading? 'Cause I'm pretty sure this nigga ain't picked up nan book.

I'm so fucking sick of my young, Black men acting out like this. Everything is about being a pimp or a gangster. Everything that's attractive, entertaining, or nice is either "gangsta" or "pimp".

I once asked a guy I liked what he did for a living or if he went to school, and his response was, "Why you askin' me all lat? I mean who all up in my business. It ain't like we gone get married or nuthin'!"

What?! Damn nigga, why you just can't say you ain't got no damn job?!

But for those them do "tell" you what they do for a living, here's what they often say (I've comprised a list for you):

1."I'm a money maka."
2."I'm a go getta(damn you Jezzy)."
3. "I make it do what it do."
4."I be on nuh 'grind'. "
5."I'm make music."
6. "I just do me."
How is 'doin' you and gadamn occupation?
and my very favourite, please note, this response can be given to either question 'What do you do for a living, or, 'How was your day?'
7. "Well, I can't really be sayin' all lat on da phone, knaemean?"

Good Jesus.

I'm so mad a Black men right now it's sickening.

WHITE MEN

Why when I was at the copier yesterday, did this white man call me Kim, and when I turned around, he said" Oh, I'm sorry, wrong person".

HOLD UP. PAUSE!

Lemme tell y'all about what "Kim" looks like:

*4"11
*100lbs
*mocha frapaccino colored skin
*short natural hair
*size 14 A bra
*only wears slacks
*wears business suits everyday, she she is in HR

Now, lemme tell y'all what La Negra Linda looks like:
*5"4(5"8 in heels, which I wear EVERYDAY)
*125lbs
*milk chocolate skin
*long basket weave
*wears skirts everyday
*dresses very casually

1.How the fuck could you get us confused? If Kim wore the shoes I wear, she wouldn't be my height.2. Did the muthafucka think she grew 14 inches of hair since the last time he saw her?

Oh did I fail to mention he had just left a meeting with this hoe FIVE FUCKING MINUTES before he saw me?! I saw they asses in the conference room!

I had on a BROWN PLAID SKIRT!

She had on a BLACK SUIT!

WHAT IN THE MUSTY COITUS HELL?

Sorry y'all. I just had to get this shit outta my system. I'll be back tomorrow with a few funny posts. I'm off to pick Carl up from work?

Huh? Who's Carl? Oh. Yeah, remember lil' dick? Yeah, that's him. He thinks I'm his woman now. Meh.

Turns out his penis isn't so little. It's just when you have sex with a mule,(JR) and then go back to humans,, it just seems smaller.

I'll be back tomorrow y'all.

Holler.

Are We That Bad At Funerals?

First of all, how in the hell do you lease a casket? Do any of you know? I'm at a loss for words. Really.

Anyway, my play mom sent this to me. It was kinda funny in a morbid sort of way. I've never been to a funeral, so I really don't know. Does this really go down?



You know you're at a black funeral when:


1. three generations get out of the family car to beat down someone for cutting into the funeral procession.

2. You have relatives coming in shackled from the State Penitentiary to pay their respects.

3. A fist fight breaks out.

4. When people break down crying, try to climb into the casket, and tell the Lord that they "want to go."

5. The dead person is wearing $3,000 worth of jewelry, and the funeral directors strip the body before closing the casket for the final time.

6. Friends and family wear T-shirts with a photo of the deceased on it...to the funeral!

7. Someone walks around to view the body and yells out, "DAT WUZMY N*G**A!"

8. The brothas stand around drankin after the service and someone "pours a li'l sumptin on the ground for the homey who's no longer with us."

9. Most of the relatives keep fainting before, during, and after the service.

10. Everybody strips the grave of flowers to take home.

11. The dinner after the funeral turns into a family reunion, folks break out cards and dominoes, somebody starts playing some Marvin Gaye, and all the older men start talking about how they used to pimp back in the day.

12. the obituary was made on a home typewriter and is filled with misspelled words...even the name of the deceased!

13. The picture on the obituary is of the deceased from 30 years ago!

14. Everybody is trying to out cry one another as if crying the loudest will qualify for a prize after the funeral.

15. The deceased didn't have 2 nickels to rub together, but leaves the world in a $15,000 silk lined mahogany coffin.

16. The soloist sings about 15 verses of "Precious Lord" or "His eye is on the Sparrow."

17. The funeral is two weeks after the death of the decedent.18. Speakers start cussing during their "remarks."

19. Unknown children shout "Daddy" from all over the church.

20. The preacher doesn't know which wife to give the flag to.

What In The Hot Holy FUCK?!

How do you fuck this up? Nah, for real? How difficult is it to fry chicken? There are just certain things that are so simple to prepare that if you aren't able to, you ought be shot in the corner of a dark room and peed on. Fried chicken? That's one of them.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive about the subject because I'm well, you know, Black. It's not a stereotype if it's true. We eat fried chicken. And we eat it a lot.

So, last night, I'm starving. I think I've been going through a bit of depression, and have been sleeping a lot, and not eating as much as I normally do. A bit of that is due to depression (no it's NOT J.R. J.R. who?), but the majority of that is because I am so picky that I would rather not eat than eat something I don't like. Yeah, stupid I know. I have gone 2 days without eating because I couldn't find anything that I wanted to eat. I went grocery shopping the other day, so that I could prepare my own meals.. My mother makes super every night for my father, and I never eat. I don't know what the hell that had to do with anything, I'm just typing at this point. I really need to have some sort of an outline when I'm doing this whole blogging thing.

So like I was saying before I started saying the nonsense in the previous paragraph, I was absolutely FAMISHED last night. I was so hungry I could boiled pig endometrium . So I thought.

I was at work last night, and my boss(who is so freaking cool, it's ridiculous) asked what I'd eaten for lunch. I told him I went home, and had a little carne (meat), and that was all. He wanted food, and I wanted some more food, so we decided that we would get something to eat. He suggested "Greasy Chicken". I agreed. He eats this stuff like every day, and I've seen it. It looks DELICIOUS!

Since hindsight is 20/20, looking back, it's my damned fault. You don't trust people who aren't Black about fried chicken. But then again, HOW DO YOU FUCK UP FRIED MUTHAFUCKIN' CHICKEN?!!!!

We had a ton of work last night, so he wasn't able to get the chicken until much later that evening.

Oh how my mouth watered in anticipation of the deep fried yard bird. I could barely focus or concentrate thinking about it.

And when he brought it back? Lawd Jesus! I saw the massive grease stains that penetrated the brown papered bag, and the smell emanating from it, and thought that I had died and gone to Heaven.

Only later to learn that I had been sodomized, brutally murdered, and ended up in Satan's Laundromat.

I asked how much did I owe him, and he said the five most beautiful word in the English language, "Don't worry about it, it's paid for". I'm wondering how this can get any better I'm damned near ready to speak in tongues now. *cue fast organ, tambourine, and bass guitar music*

I sat down at my desk, and asked where the hot sauce was. 'Cause who the hell can eat fried chicken without hot sauce?

He told me he had some. Great. So I'm waiting for this:

But-- got this:Okay, I mean, it ain't Louisiana, but, Tapatio is okay, I guess? Get yourself a cup-o-noodles, put some lime juice and Tapatio in that bitch, and tell me that shit ain't the BUSINESS. Shout out to all my Mexican homies that taught me that shit.

So, I begin to eat my french fries. And they were on point. I was shoving like six or seven in my mouth at once. Nah, wasn't the hunger, I'm just a damn pig. Call me 5-0.

Then I go to have a bite of chicken. I see that there are feathers still attached to that bitch! Uh? Okay, I just pluck them sumbitches out. Ain't no big thing.

But then I have a bite of that "chicken".

I don't know what the ethnicity of the people who prepared this, this, "chicken", but I do know good and damned well that they weren't of the African Diaspora. Well maybe they were since that shit tasted like deep fried fruit bat afterbirth.

That was the most disgusting thing I've ever put into my mouth--ever. And I'm not one of those girls who lies, and says they don't preform fellatio.

I wanted to throw up my ovaries after eating that shit.

The hot sauce did nothing for it. It would be like attempting to eat possum testicles and putting salt on them to enhance the flavor. Shit.Don't.Work.

I can't believe I wrote an entire entry on this shit. The best part of that meal was my strawberry soda.

You know food is bad when it being free still doesn't make it taste good. Good Golly.

For My Friend, Coco Part I

Coco, I know you're a homewrecker. You can't help yourself. And I'm okay with this. I don't judge. It's just that when you try to destroy my family and home, that I begin to have a problem with it.

Below is a list of men you can have your way with.

NOTE: Tru Life is NOT on this list.


Yeah, so the man looks like he has mushroom growin' under his ballsack. So what. Shave him, bathe him, tame him, and he looks like Mad Linx's cousin( Not that that nigga's particulary attractive either).


I don't know who them dudes on the sides are, but go on and break Too Short off a lil' a dat. Ashy beard is what's hot in the streets now.


He tried to holla at me a few months back in West Hollywood. I don't know why either. But look at how nice I am, I'm letting you have that. You can wash and braid his hair. Tell me you don't want to oil dude's scalp.


Tell me the wino look ain't hot. Go ahead. Tell me.

If anyone can take Ice-T from Coco, it's another damned Coco.

You see, Coco, there are PLENTY of OTHER celebs you can go after, please leave my baby's daddy alone. He refers to himself as the "Prettiest Gangsta". I know you did that to him. He wasn't sayin that shit until I saw your name in his chirp. Now, if you would be so kind as to have your way with one of these other *ahem* "gentleman"? It would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You.

I'm Beating Jess' Ass...

And when I'm done, your ass will be hotter than a DVD in a crack house. Keep playing with me, bitch.

Hey y'all! It's Black History Month! Y'all know what that means? It's the only time of year that you can get a date, Negra? Ha. Funny. You guys are assholes.

No! It means that since we have a whole month dedicated to race, (a whooping 28 days, yeah!), I'm going to overlook all the ignorance that we sometimes (all to damn often) participate in! Shucking? Ignored. Jiving? Disregarded. Cooning?Completely tuned out!

So keeping all that in mind, let us now have a look at some people who are not of Negroid decent acting foolishly.

I present to you:

Couples Who Need Their Ass Beat

Who told them this was a good idea? That photographer needs to be shot.

Clearly, once wasn't enough for these folks. What's with the damn moose though? Geez.

If I go to Hell, it ain't gone be for making fun of blind folks. Moving right along...

She looks like she needs a blood transfusion. I really hope she's not a Jehovah's witness and gets the help she needs.

You know, if you and all of your bridesmaids are battling SARS, you might want to be at the nearest clinic, rather than getting married. Just my opinion.

Isn't Wal-Mart great? I mean, you get to purchase awesome multi- color pastel polyester stripped shirts, and then take a picture with your sweetie afterwards!

Aww, a pimp and his bottom bitch make it official. Wait is he Black? Gahdamn it motherfucking shit, how did he get on this post. Shit.

GAHDAMN.

Her parents just sold her for an ox, and two pounds of figs.

I'm done. Not that anything I said prior to this photo was actually funny I can't even be funny about this. The shit is just wrong. Wow. Insert your own joke here.





Stay tunned for more half assed (and super unfunny) posts to come! Ciao!