Saturday, March 10, 2007

Are We That Bad At Funerals?



First of all, how in the hell do you lease a casket? Do any of you know? I'm at a loss for words. Really.

Anyway, my play mom sent this to me. It was kinda funny in a morbid sort of way. I've never been to a funeral, so I really don't know. Does this really go down?



You know you're at a black funeral when:


1. three generations get out of the family car to beat down someone for cutting into the funeral procession.

2. You have relatives coming in shackled from the State Penitentiary to pay their respects.

3. A fist fight breaks out.

4. When people break down crying, try to climb into the casket, and tell the Lord that they "want to go."

5. The dead person is wearing $3,000 worth of jewelry, and the funeral directors strip the body before closing the casket for the final time.

6. Friends and family wear T-shirts with a photo of the deceased on it...to the funeral!

7. Someone walks around to view the body and yells out, "DAT WUZMY N*G**A!"

8. The brothas stand around drankin after the service and someone "pours a li'l sumptin on the ground for the homey who's no longer with us."

9. Most of the relatives keep fainting before, during, and after the service.

10. Everybody strips the grave of flowers to take home.

11. The dinner after the funeral turns into a family reunion, folks break out cards and dominoes, somebody starts playing some Marvin Gaye, and all the older men start talking about how they used to pimp back in the day.

12. the obituary was made on a home typewriter and is filled with misspelled words...even the name of the deceased!

13. The picture on the obituary is of the deceased from 30 years ago!

14. Everybody is trying to out cry one another as if crying the loudest will qualify for a prize after the funeral.

15. The deceased didn't have 2 nickels to rub together, but leaves the world in a $15,000 silk lined mahogany coffin.

16. The soloist sings about 15 verses of "Precious Lord" or "His eye is on the Sparrow."

17. The funeral is two weeks after the death of the decedent.18. Speakers start cussing during their "remarks."

19. Unknown children shout "Daddy" from all over the church.

20. The preacher doesn't know which wife to give the flag to.

5 comments:

S.K. said...

I have seen about 75% of these first hand. Does that mean I passed the Black funeral test?

goldiilocs said...

Some black folks are just out of control. I haven't been to many funerals, but when my friend passed, they had the worst choir in the world sing. And I know she would have laughed if she would have been there LOL.

Coco LaRue said...

Why have I experienced each and every one of these? Please do a Ghetto Wedding posting next!

Tish said...

You can lease a casket in the sense that you can just use it for the viewing. Not actually be buried in it though...like if someone is to be cremated yet going to have a viewing before hand, then you can lease or "rent" a casket.

From what I understand. And funerals, I've been to enough of them...

California Cutie said...

That post was so funny but also sad becaue I have been to funerals where almost everything on that list has happened.