That's me. My sister and I are such Daddy's Girls, it's ridiculous. I always feel like I disappointed my father. I feel so bad, because for him I want to be great. I want to be something he can be proud of. I think the reason I haven't totally given up on life(education, etc) is because of him. 40% of the reason I had an abortion last year was because I didn't want to hurt him (the other 60% is because that nigga was crazy as a June bed bug).
I know I'm an adult, but I still feel like his 3 year old sometimes. Maybe it's the way he still talks to me like I'm his 3 year old. He calls me on the phone late at night to see where I am, and always. It goes like this:
Him: Where you at Big Girl?
Me:In Compton. *snickering*
Him: In Compton?! Kid, folks who live in Compton don't wanna be in Compton! You need to come home Big Girl, it's getting late(mind you it ain't but 11:00), you're a lady, and you're small, you don't want anything to happen to you out there, alright? So, get ready and bring it on home, okay, Big Girl?
Me: Okay daddy. I'll be home in a lil' bit.
It's the sweetest thing ever.
I live with my mother and father(I'm in school, people, I'm not trifling). My father does things for me. Little, simple things. Like, for instance, he will buy me a big, industrial sized bottle of Listerine, and fill up my regular sized bottle when it's empty. Little stuff like that. Or he will see a teddy bear and get it for me, because he knows I love stuffed animals. I don't know why I'm such a sucker for little things but I am.
My earliest memory of my father and I is when I was 3 years old. It was early morning(possibly around 5 or so). Daddy had a pear in his left hand and a knife in his right. He glanced over his shoulder to see his youngest daughter peeking in the doorway, her right hand in the pocket of her frog night gown. Immediately, I run to him to see what he's doing. He picked me up, put me on his lap, gave me a kiss on my cheek, and split the pear with me. He gave me my piece first, smiled while I ate, and he ate his secondly.
I don't know why I remember that. I swear I smile every time I think about that. I have tears in my eyes right know.
Lately, I've been feeling a lot like Shug Avery. I feel like every man I've ever been with has been a mistake, and while I've learned from all of them, and have hilarious stories(that I LOVE sharing by the way), I see how hut my father is behind my choices. He's not specifically aware of all(thank GOD) the men( there haven't been that many, have there?), but he knows I'm doin' shit that ain't right. When I come home at 1:00am, he knows where my hot ass has been. Sigh. I wish I could still be "Daddy's Little Girl".
I pray for the day that he can look at me, be proud, and say, "Yea! My daughter's a lawyer, bought me this mini mansion, and is NOT A WHORE!".
My mama thinks I'm a pimp (she right.). I think my daddy thinks I'm a failure. =(
3 comments:
This was a cute post. It's nice to see your softer side. We all worry about not pleasing our parents. I think it's part of growing up. But they look up to us sometimes, even when we don't realize it.
I often feel like Shug, too (minus the kissing Whoopi Goldberg part). This scene is my favorite from any movie ever!
Dear, Mr. Coco LaWall,
1st of all, "This was a cute post. It's nice to see your softer side" , what the hell is THAT supposed to mean, nigga? LOL
Secondly,
I often feel like Shug, too (minus the kissing Whoopi Goldberg part).
You don't come to MY blog tryin' to kill me. I'ma need for you to keep that shit at thursdaynightfever.blogspot.com.
Thank You,
La Negra Linda
That song was one of the reasons I spent some big bucks on the "Color Purple Soundtrack." That and the song "The Dirty Dozens." I dont care what anyone says, this move and soundtrack, was one of the best ever!
L
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